A relationship can be a beautiful thing. But, over time, it can become a little less beautiful. One of the main reasons for this is kids.  There’s no doubt about it - having kids is going to change the dynamics of a relationship.  No longer can you devote all your time and attention to your other half.  Late nights and broken sleep can affect mood and stress levels, as well as decrease any expected precious evening time together you may have had planned.  Babies and children are unpredictable. 

Even with a five year old and two year old, we never know what the day or night will bring.  Illnesses suddenly spring out of nowhere and though they may mostly sleep through the night, we’ll suddenly go through a patch of them refusing to go to bed or waking up with growing pains for nights on end.  Often we plan to spend an evening together with no work or social distractions, once the children are in bed, but by the time they are asleep we’re both practically asleep too or too shattered to interact!

That being said, I feel like our relationship is still strong and perhaps even stronger since having children.  One friend with older children once told me if we can get through the early years of having kids, we can get through anything!  

So, how do you make sure your relationship stays strong after having kids?  Here are three things I think help to keep a relationship strong after having a baby.

Stay intimate, when you can

Women can feel very self-conscious of their new bodies after having a baby as often there are some changes in shape and size.  Reassure her that you still find her attractive.   Finding time for intimacy along with a newfound tiredness are definitely obstacles once you have children.  It can also take time to want to be intimate again after giving birth, so be patient!   

Just knowing you still find each other attractive and that it’s simply these reasons for why there’s less affection will ensure no one feels insecure.  Communication with each other is important here too.  If you’re not ready, just say.  If you’re too tired, don’t feel pressured.  If there are other reasons for lack of intimacy such as pain, dryness or erectile dysfunction then seek advice. There are various medical treatments and alternative therapies, including acupuncture as a treatment for erectile dysfunction, that can help address intimate health concerns.

Many couples often experience a lack of intimacy in their relationship after the arrival of their children. If you are one of these couples, follow these tips to keep your relationship strong.

• Spend quality time with your partner.
• Get help from family members when you need it when caring for the children.
• Talk about what you want out of life and set goals together.

Communication is key

Tying in nicely with both other points is communication.  Clearly discussing how one another is feeling is key to a successful relationship.  Being open, frank and honest is a must.  Playing silly games with one another or playing the silent game is never going to play out well.  Don’t always expect your other half to sense how you’re feeling, just be open and tell them.  Sometimes they have no clue if you’re stressed out or struggling, no matter how obvious you think it is.

By discussing how you are feeling in an honest and open way means you can communicate clearly with one another and provide support if needed.

Talking about finances

In addition to the challenges of parenting, managing finances can also be a source of stress for couples. Being honest and transparent about your financial situation is crucial for a healthy relationship.

It’s important to discuss and agree on financial goals as a couple and priorities, such as saving for a house or retirement, before making any major purchases or investments. This will help avoid disagreements and potential financial strain in the future.

Creating a joint budget and tracking expenses together can also be helpful in managing finances as a couple. Being accountable to each other can ensure that you stay on track with your financial goals.

If one partner is struggling with debt or financial issues, it’s important to approach the situation with empathy and support. Rather than blaming or criticizing, work together to come up with a plan to improve the situation.

Spend time together, kid free

Harder said than done, but even one night every couple of months for a meal out together can be enough.  It’s a welcome break from the duties of parenthood and a chance to talk without interruption.

If you don’t have any childcare or perhaps you’re still breastfeeding, why not set up a cheap date night at home?  Once every week, or two, cook and enjoy a meal together with no TV, mobile phones or distractions (unless of course the kids wake up!).  If you can’t get out for a date night, bring the date night to you.

Spending enough time together as a couple, remaining affectionate and clearly communicating is all so important for a strong relationship.

Talk to a professional if you need to

Relationship counseling can be another helpful option for couples who are struggling to maintain a strong relationship after having kids. Counseling can provide a safe and neutral space for couples to discuss their issues and work on strategies to improve their communication, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction.

Counselors can also provide guidance on managing finances as a couple and developing a joint plan to achieve financial goals. They can offer valuable tools and resources to help couples work through financial issues and develop healthy financial habits.

Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. Rather, it is a proactive step towards strengthening your relationship and improving your overall well-being as a couple and as individuals.

Establish a Routine for Connection

With busy schedules and the demands of parenting, finding time to connect can be a challenge. Establishing a simple routine can help. It might be setting aside 10 minutes each evening to chat without distractions or scheduling regular time for just the two of you, even if it’s brief. A consistent approach ensures you both have moments to reconnect amidst the chaos.

Show Appreciation

Acknowledging each other’s efforts can go a long way in keeping your bond strong. A simple "thank you" or recognising the small things your partner does—whether it’s tackling household chores or offering emotional support—can make them feel valued. This mutual appreciation fosters a positive atmosphere and reinforces your teamwork.

Practise Compromise

Parenting often brings differing opinions, but learning to meet in the middle is essential. Instead of focusing on who’s right, find solutions that work for both of you. Compromising shows respect for each other’s perspectives and helps keep disagreements from escalating into bigger issues.

Maintain Individual Interests

While spending time together is important, so is nurturing your own hobbies and interests. Encouraging each other to take time for personal activities not only reduces stress but also brings fresh energy into your relationship. It’s about supporting each other to stay fulfilled as individuals, which strengthens your connection as a couple.

Celebrate Milestones—Big and Small

It’s easy to get caught up in day-to-day routines, but celebrating milestones—whether it’s an anniversary, a parenting achievement, or simply a good week—can bring joy and strengthen your bond. These celebrations don’t have to be extravagant; the key is to acknowledge and appreciate your journey together.

Work as a Team

Parenting is a shared responsibility, and approaching it as a team makes it more manageable. Dividing tasks based on strengths and supporting each other during tough times can lighten the load. Working together not only makes parenting easier but also reinforces your partnership.

Take Time to Reflect

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Taking time to reflect on what’s working and what isn’t can help you grow together. Regularly discussing your goals and challenges ensures you’re on the same page and helps to address issues before they become larger problems.

Conclusion

The first few years of parenting are crazy; there's no doubt about it. And, as every parent knows, the children are not the only ones who need your love and support. It's not easy to keep a relationship going after having kids, but it's possible and vital to bring your family together and avoid a divorce.

The best way to stay strong in your connection is to never stop surprising each other and by making sure you still have some time for yourselves, even cheap date nights at home are fine. You should also try not to take any comments from friends or family about your relationship personally - they don’t know what goes on in your home life. Finally, it's important to remember that every couple has their ups and downs - it's how you react to them that really matters.